I belong to a few different cancer mom groups on Facebook. They are a safe place for us cancer moms to express our feelings as to what we are going through on any given day, during any kind of treatment, and beyond. The other day I was scrolling though Facebook and saw a post on one of these groups asking for other to share positive stories of AML survivors of 2 or more years, using chemo only. I immediately got excited to share hope with this other cancer momma, found a photo of Kenedi (26 months remission) and began to type, and as I typed, I was stopped by the tears.
“I should be able to post TWO kids in this picture!” I thought as I typed.
“This is all so unfair.”
“Why Kendal and not Kenedi?”
I continued typing and hit send and sat back for a moment. As the tears came, I became mad at myself for being so upset when I should be so grateful that Kenedi is still here and still doing so well. But I realized I was. I was grateful for every single second with Kenedi. But that doesn’t mean I have to stop grieving the loss of Kendal. I can be grateful while grieving.