As we approach Thanksgiving you can’t help but notice all the social media posts about being Thankful. It’s the time of year where everyone reflects on the good in their lives and what they are grateful for. I have to admit, as a cancer mom in the middle of treatment with two babes, it is often difficult to see what there is to be thankful for. To not be a bit bitter this time of year because you’re spending the holidays in the hospital is hard. But I will say I am thankful. For many many things, but most of all for my girls who are here, and despite their battle and their illness, they are doing well.
Anyone who knows me knows I’m a planner. A planner who LOVES the holidays. Teagan’s birthday is in December and I usually have her party completely planned by September. As well as most of my Christmas shopping complete. Not this year though. I have to be honest, when we got the girls’ diagnosis back in August, I couldn’t look forward. I often couldn’t even see the end of the day. And to think about the holidays? Well it was impossible. I couldn’t bring myself to buy matching Christmas Jammies or think about what Christmas outfits we would or could wear for photos. I couldn’t think about what Santa would bring for everyone or what kind of stockings I would get for the twins. I just couldn’t bear the thought that there was and still is a real possibility that something unimaginable could happen and I wouldn’t have the holidays with all my girls by my side. This isn’t a thought I dwell on – I prefer to think positive and be hopeful – but it creeps in. It catches you off guard and at times takes your breath away. At night I would lay awake and pray to God that we would make it through the next day. As treatment went on I would pray that we would make it through the week, and so on and so on.
And here we are today. Three out of four rounds down. Thursday we begin our fourth and final round of chemo. Although we are not out of the woods yet and still have a lot to worry about – staying infection free during flu season being the most stressful thing – I am thankful for how far we’ve come. Thankful that on Thursday, even though it’s one of my favorite holidays (there’s no better place to be than my Aunt Tammy’s or Aunt Heather’s for Thanksgiving dinner!!) we begin round 4. Thankful that there is treatment for my girls. I am thankful that we are here and moving forward. I am thankful that I have been blessed with my girls who are stronger than I could ever be (all three of them!). I am thankful I have been blessed with a very patient, loving husband. I am thankful for my family who has been so supportive during this time. I am thankful for my friends that have stepped up and helped out whether it be organizing fundraisers or keeping Teagan overnight when necessary. And I’m thankful for all of you, who have rallied around and prayed for our girls.
So on this Thanksgiving, even if you’re feeling there is nothing to be thankful for, I promise you there is. Find it and hold onto it as tight as you can. I know I’m going to.
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