I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to but it was recently brought to our attention that the girls’ photos were stolen and used inappropriately. It really turned me off to the social media experience; however, I know that once photos are put out there on the web, they are fair game for people to use how they want and after long discussions with friends and family, again, the good outweighs the bad, and we are back.
Round 2 is now complete. The girls did well. I’d like to say very well, but that makes me nervous. It makes me nervous that they have responded the way they have to the chemo so far. It makes me nervous to say that they haven’t gotten mucositis or c-diff. It makes me nervous that Kendal went the entire last bout of being neutropenic without a fever. It makes me nervous that the only fever Kenedi got resulted in nothing on her cultures. These are all positive things, yet they feel negative to me. In speaking with many other cancer moms, I have heard over and over how “this will happen and it will be bad”. Yet the girls continue to prove everyone wrong. I often think “don’t even think about the good things because then something will eventually go bad”. That’s what childhood cancer does, it tricks you into not enjoying the positive, happy moments, and makes you believe there is always something bad coming around every corner. But I won’t let that stop me from telling you, the girls are doing well, and, we are even currently AT HOME!
Last week I was shocked to find out that both girls’ numbers jumped significantly and on Wednesday I was told “discharge tomorrow”. What? WHAT?! We were not expecting this. Not only did I have myself and TWO infants to pack up and get ready to leave after nearly 60 days in the hospital, but Aaron was hours and hours away at home, and I had two hospital rooms, plus a room at the Ronald McDonald House to pack up. A bit overwhelming since it was so sudden. We ended up leaving on Saturday after 59 days in the hospital. To many of you, leaving the hospital and getting to go home may sound like a wonderful thing, but I was scared to death. After living inside my hospital fish bowl for so long, I was comfortable. A nurse was a button push away to help with a crying twin, a projectile vomit, an explosive diaper, a possible fever, a funny looking spot that could be a rash, 5 sneezes in a row which could be pneumonia(in my crazy germaphobe mind), etc. etc. I battled with myself for a few days on whether or not to tell friends we were coming home for a short break between rounds of chemo because I honestly did not want to leave and felt ashamed for feeling that way. Here my girls are, doing well and able to go home and I didn’t want to. What gives? I realized that I was, and am,waiting for the shoe to drop. For something to happen that isn’t supposed to. Something that isn’t in my plan. But we left, and we made it home.
Teagan was SO PUMPED to have everyone home under one roof again. We arrived home Saturday and we are here until Thursday. Friday we will return to the clinic for check-ups as well as helmet scans L (only as a precaution right now. It isn’t confirmed that the girls will need them). The girls will then be re-admitted to the hospital this weekend and Monday will undergo another bone marrow biopsy. After the results are back from that, round 3 of chemo will start. Round 3 only goes 5 days this time, but the chemo is 10x stronger than the last two rounds which means the hospital stay could still be quite lengthy. We pray that the girls continue to surprise us and do well as they have been doing.
I cannot express our gratitude for the support we have been receiving. I truly believe that the girls have a large army of prayer and thought warriors out there that are assisting in carrying them through this difficult time and making it as easy as it can be on their tiny bodies. I want to say, however, that although the girls have been doing well, chemo is no joke and we would appreciate your continued support during these next two intensified rounds.
I don’t know if there will ever actually be a time that I celebrate the girls’ response to their treatment, but I hope there will come a time where I can relax and begin to enjoy our time together more instead of constantly holding my breath, waiting for what’s coming around the corner…