Silence

I’ve received some messages from our sweet readers and followers, wondering where I’ve been.  Wondering why I haven’t posted blogs, photos, or many updates for that matter, on the girls.  Wondering why there has been silence.  And I’ll admit.  I have been silent.  I’ve felt like writing, I’ve felt like sharing, but each time I sit down to do so, I draw a blank.

Well that’s actually a lie, I don’t draw a blank.  I have topics I’d love to share with you all, and photos and updates.  But to be honest, I haven’t wanted to share because the last few times I did, the negative feedback I received hurt my heart a bit.  “Come on, Abby, get a little tougher!”  Right?  I know.  But there’s something about sharing my story, my girls’ story, my family’s story, and being so vulnerable to then be told that I’m not feeling the way I should be feeling, that leaves me feeling like I’ve been violated.  Or when I offend someone unintentionally.  That’s so hard on me.  I always try to word my posts carefully and take into everyone’s feelings and I go out of my way a lot to try to not offend anyone.  My intent is always just to share my thoughts and experiences.

I thought I needed a break from the social media world, but you know what?  I’ve missed you all.  I’ve missed all my virtual friends and cheerleaders for the twins and our family.  I learned in these few weeks of silence that I cannot, and will not, allow someone sitting behind a keyboard who doesn’t know me from Adam, dictate what I decide to put out on social media.  I will not allow hurtful people to take control of my life.  I will also not censor myself in fear of offending someone. That’s not me.  That’s never been me, so why am I allowing it now?  Those who know me know that I am never trying to offend anyone, those who know me know my heart and know my intentions.

I WILL continue to post what my heart feels necessary.  And if you do not like it, that’s okay.  I’m okay with a difference of opinion.  I’m not okay with being told what I’m feeling is wrong.  I’m not okay with passive aggressive childlike behavior from grown adults.  I started this blog as a place for everyone to get updates on the girls.  I’ve branched out a bit and shared pieces of my heart because I believe that if by sharing if I can impact just one other person, if I can connect with someone that feels alone and show them they aren’t, if I can give others some insight or knowledge to the pediatric cancer world, then it will all be worth it.  So that is why I’m writing tonight, not only to tell you all, all our wonderful supporters, that I’m back.  WE are back.  But also to say thank you to everyone that has been so supportive.  I know that the good comments and messages far outweigh the bad.  That’s what I’m going to continue to concentrate on.

This was posted on one of my support sites recently.  It rings true, for me, right now

You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you.

True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic; true power is restraint.

If words control you that means everyone else can control you; breathe and allow things to pass.

Stay tuned for an update on the girls, including photos from their first, GOLDEN birthday bash!!

xoxo

Abby

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